Christian Relationship Tips

If youre wondering, How to save my marriage? then you only have to look around you to remember the things you did together when you were first married or first dating. Are you still doing those things today? If youre trying to figure out, How to save my marriage? then chances are youre not.

Marriages get into trouble for a variety of different reasons. There are affairs, lies, boredom, changes people go through that make them more or less appealing to each other, moves, children, jobs . . . . All these things factor into a marriage and help determine whether its healthy or whether youll end up asking, How to save my marriage?

If there are have been affairs or serious betrayals and lies, then probably the best thing you can do if you want to save the marriage it to go to counseling. This isnt one of the secret techniques, but its probably the only one that can really help once things like that have gone on.

Through marriage counseling, you may be able to get at the heart of why there was cheating, and find ways to make sure it doesnt happen again. Counseling may also lead you to the painful decision that you dont want to remain in such a marriage where you may not be able to trust your spouse again (or yourself, if youre the one who cheated).

Sometimes marriage counseling is very painful while youre going, but once the painful things come out its like a wound thats been cleaned out now it can start to heal.

The secret techniques arent really secret either, but they might as well be because few people every try them and instead do the exact opposite.

The first thing you can do when you find yourself asking, How to save my marriage? is to simply leave your spouse alone. Enjoy some me time without your partner. It doesnt have to be for very long. It can be just a few days. Just make sure your partner knows that it isnt practice for splitting up, youre just giving him or her a little breathing room.

Sometimes marriages suffer because spouses spend too much time together. If thats the case in your marriage, some time apart can be a very good thing.

If the problem with the marriage is that you spend too much time apart already, then you can make a difference in your marriage by taking some initiative. Vow right now to make some changes, and go and schedule a weekend getaway for you both. If thats too expensive, plan an outing for the day. Or plan three hours of dinner and a movie where its just the two of you, on a private and surprise date.

Youd be surprised how these two secret techniques, when used at the appropriate times, can feel so good theyll take you from asking, How to save my marriage? to wondering why you hadnt been doing these things for several years.

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Every marriage goes through ups and downs. A number of marriages also go through times of severe turmoil, such as deaths in the family, chronic illnesses, unfaithfulness, or national disasters. Some marriages hold strong during any ups and downs; others begin to crumble. For any marriage in crisis, however, marital counseling can help.

Each couples marriage is, of course, unique. Therefore, the way in which that couple deals with problems and issues will be unique. However, there are several signs which are common to all marriages–signs which point toward trouble brewing in the relationship. The earlier a couple begins to recognize the signs, the earlier the couple can begin marriage counseling. And, the sooner the couple starts counseling, the better the couples chances of saving their marriage.

Here are the common warning signs of a marriage that is likely headed toward crisis:

The couple bickers, nags, and nitpicks a great deal.

The couple doesnt fight fairly.

The couple tends to spend a good deal of time apart, doing activities separately because that is more fun than spending time together.

The couple doesnt talk about problems together. One member of the couple may be unaware of household issues or problems with the children that the other couple member handles, for instance.

The couple no longer agrees on long-term goals and values, either for themselves or for the family as a whole.

The couple has a low level of intimacy–or none.

The couple doesnt talk much. The two members of the couple may be unaware of significant events or happenings at each others workplaces, for example.

Marriage counseling can help couples who are having any of the above issues. Counseling can also assist couples who are in crisis for other reasons. There is no reason for a couple to stay in an unhappy marriage; yet people who head straight for separation or divorce without trying to first make the marriage work through the use of marital counseling may be throwing in the towel without giving their marriage a fair chance.

Professional marriage counselors have experience in working with couples who have gone through all types of difficulties. Counselors can assist couples in dealing with infidelity, spending issues, problems with family and children, differences in faith, and much more.

Couples who attend marriage counseling learn the following:

How to resolve conflict through effective listening
How to state needs clearly and openly without anger or resentment
How to get what is needed in the relationship without making demands
How to work through unresolved issues in the marriage
How to understand the needs of both members of the couple–and how to meet those needs

Marriage counseling works best if couples go as soon as they begin having problems in their marriage. A marriage in crisis can be helped with marital counseling; however, if a couple waits too long to seek counseling, their chances of saving their marriage may not be as great.

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Most people over the age of twenty-five know at least one person whose long-term relationship or marriage has ended. Sometimes the grounds are clear and indisputable, but in many cases the story of where exactly the relationship went wrong is much less obvious – and this is where marriage counselling can play a useful role. Not just for married or heterosexual couples, the key to successful marriage counselling is believing that divorce or separation is not an inevitable fact of modern life, but that conflict itself is unavoidable (often because partners care about each other). In the cases where people believe their differences are irreconcilable, marriage counselling can be a useful way to help each person move on.

Who can benefit from marriage counselling

In the past, and in places where there is a strong family or religious tradition, if you faced difficulties with your marriage, chances are you would turn to friends or family members, or other members of the community. This everyday sort of marriage counselling could help you avoid the need to resort to more extreme measures such as a temporary separation or divorce. Ideally, expert marriage counselling can support the existing resources that individuals have available to them.

Where can marriage counseling be of use?

Marriage counseling can be of use in cases where partners are having problems talking to each other, or where people are facing a change or unexpected event that puts a relationship in a new light. It can be a way of finding out ways to deal or open up a discussion around a partner’s needs, which can be hidden if communication has been difficult over a period of time. It can also be a way to address problem behaviour, such as anger or jealously issues, low self esteem in either partner, or a possibility to begin addressing a longer-term issue from childhood, so long as the affected partner is willing.

How do I choose marriage counselling?

The key thing to choosing a marriage counselor is what sort of approach they offer – whether they offer a problem-focused approach, or look to examine problems from a longer-term perspective, using psychoanalytical psychotherapy, psychoanalysis or Jungian analysis – and whether they have recognised accreditation. Some, specialist centres in marriage counselling offer flexible payment schemes to suit most budgets – particularly those that have charitable status. Those of have been around much longer, and are more likely to offer a range of services. In any case, a good provider should be happy to offer an initial consultation to get these things clear in advance.

How do I find marriage counselling?

You can find marriage counseling by looking online using a search engine and entering your area and the type of service you are looking for. Alternatively, you can try a directory that lists all available counselling in an area. Online marriage counselling is another possibility: in any case, it is important to determine in advance what your expectations are, and how much you can afford to pay.

Shaun Parker is at the forefront of research into marriage councelling and relationship advice.

Article Source: ArticleSpan

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What’s Marriage Counselling All About?

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