This is not intended to be a discussion on the Bible, or anything religious, but I’d like raise a specific point. According to the Bible, there are only two acceptable reasons for divorce, and one of those is a cheating spouse. The point is that infidelity is a serious offense. Conventional wisdom states that people should split up if one of them has been unfaithful. It doesn’t have to be that way if both parties are willing to do what it takes. Restoring trust in relationships isn’t easy, but it can be done. Here are some ideas on how to make that happen.
The main thing to keep in mind as you go through the process of restoring trust is that it requires changes in the actions and attitudes of both people in the relationship. Even after something as serious an affair, a relationship can be saved. The key is start with small amount of trust, and continuing to build on it.
Before you can start rebuilding trust, you need to take an honest look at what went wrong. Our natural tendency is to blame the other person, and they are likely at fault to some extent, but the only person you have total control over is yourself; therefore, you need to get to the root of what you may have done to end the relationship. Once you find the source of the problem, you can take steps to fix it.
For example, if your partner had an affair, what was it that they were seeking from someone else? What was it that you weren’t providing? You will need to improve these things if you want to have a future together. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never right to cheat, but we are trying to restore a relationship and work on trust. While you can’t undo the past, you can certainly create a better future.
The next step is to start actually gaining some trust again. One of the best things you can do is assume the other person is being honest. By doing this, you will get trust in return. Of course, that is easy to say, but much harder in practice. So, the trick here is to take small steps. Tell your significant other that you will be home by 7:00 PM, then be home by 7:00 PM (or a little early if at all possible). It doesn’t have to be anything big, just start demonstrating your ability to stick to your word.
Over time, these small steps start to accumulate and build on one another. But, you must keep doing it, and always follow through on what you say you’re going to do. Excuses will not cut it at this point. In fact, if there is any possibility, any doubt in your mind at all, then it’s better to not say anything at all.
Restoring trust in relationships is not an easy task. And the more severe the reason for the lack of trust, the harder it will be to regain it. Keep your focus on trust, and keep taking those small steps, and before you know it, you will be happy again.
“Dear Abby. . .How do I get my husband to love me again?” Have you been thinking this to yourself and wondering where to turn for help? You’re marriage has gone stale and you don’t know exactly why, or even if you do know why, you don’t know exactly what to do about it.
What usually happens unfortunately is that as time passes, the powerful love, respect and admiration that women feel from their husband is replaced by feelings of hurt, awkwardness and distance. Some women are sure that their husbands have fallen out of love with them. sometimes the husband actually spells it out. Or sometimes the husband denies this but the “something’s-wrong-feelings” are still around. If you feel that your husband has fallen out of love with you, there are steps you can take to bring you back to where you once were in your relationship and/or to make your marriage even stronger.
Try to think back to when you and your husband first fell in love. Do you remember what you loved about him and what he loved about you? Of course we all change as we get older so some of our qualities have become stronger and some have disappeared. A really common example of this is when a career-woman becomes a stay-at-home mom.
Sometimes husbands miss the way their wives were before they became homemakers. So now you’re thinking, “Well, I can’t do anything about that!” To some extent that’s true. You have a new and important role now in life that you shouldn’t give up but you could try to add some variety in every once in a while by taking a night off to go out with friends or volunteer for a cause. This will remind your husband, and probably even yourself, that you are a multi faceted person with a lot to offer.
Here is something else that you need to consider if you’re trying to get your husband to fall back in love with you. Remember what the bible says? “Do unto others as you would have done to you. . .”? How are you treating your husband? Of course how you act towards him may be altered if you feel that he doesn’t love you anymore. But how have you been treating him in the last few years even before you noticed the change in him? It’s easy and commonplace to start taking your husband for granted once you’re married and even more so after the years go on. He probably does the same with you.
Maybe you’ve been dedicating yourself to the children for the most part and that means less one-on-one time with your man? Or maybe you’re constantly nagging him about certain things you want done around the house which he neglects to do?
If you can switch your behavior around and start treating your husband the way you would like to be treated, he will eventually catch on and do the same. By letting your husband know that you appreciate and love him, you’ll bring the two of you closer. And that is one answer to your question “How do I get my husband to love me again?”
Just last week, a mother said farewell to four boys she had raised as sons. They were leaving for missions training, and she had heard them talking late into the night about their upcoming adventures. As they prepare to climb into a van and leave, she panics: Has she done enough? Loved enough? The van pulls away and she stands, waving gooodbye with tears in her eyes. She has given them everything she knows to give and now she must trust God to keep them and never leave them.
A young woman recently drove thirteen hours to attend missionary training in Florida. She arrives and goes to bed crying, overwhelmed by it all and worrying she won’t make any friends. However, she wakes up the next morning excited and eager to take her first steps towards missionary work, a work she will later describe as an “amazing journey.”
A missions team from the United States recently joined a local pastor in Guatemala to pray for a three-month-old baby thought dead. Undaunted, they pray, and as they pray, the baby’s cold skin begins to warm, and his eyes, though closed, begin to move. Moments later, a tearful and grateful Mom and Dad receive a healthy and smiling baby back into their arms.
Have you heard any of the above true stories? Any chance they made headlines in your newspaper?
I often wonder if the stories we read about and care about are the stories God is actually interested in. According to the Bible, “the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7.
What if the real history of the world has yet to be written, and the most important stories of our time are stories most of us will never read or hear?
Let this be a word of encouragement: God’s view of the world is not our own. Whether we are consumed with politics and the latest breaking news, or whether we have simply turned off and tuned out all news in frustration and weariness — God is still God. He is very real and at work in a million different ways we will never hear about, at least not in this lifetime.
You never know, at this very minute, your story and your heart might well be the “breaking news” in Heaven. While everyone else is looking at the latest controversy and dispute, God may well be looking at your heart and excitedly sharing the “big news” with everyone around Him.
Let us hope that someday all of us will hear this story and more, and laugh at ourselves for having been so stressed about what was printed in the New York Times.
How could we have ever thought that what was printed there was so important?
How could we not realize that the real news stories — the stories with eternal significance — are printed on God’s heart.
The International Faith Telegraph http://www.faithtelegraph.com The latest and most unique Christian news stories from around the world. Bizarre, groundbreaking, worldchanging. Exclusive stories from a wide variety of sources. Missions news directly from missionaries and numerous denominations and organizations.
Oprah Winfrey recently shared on a clip broadcast on You Tube that she “took God out of the box”, (Charisma, July 2008) in that she reconciled teachings with her Christian beliefs because she opened her mind to the indescribable hugeness people call “God”. That must have felt empowering for Oprah. I wonder if she asked him how long he’d been in the box?
Sometimes I can see where it might be tempting to use our imagination to create our own God rather than just believe in the God of the Bible. Because those who take God at his word, that he is who he says he is, have to reconcile, not so much the teachings, but their own willingness to accept those words, as is, and obey them unconditionally. In order to do that, we would have to exercise authority over our own minds, souls, and bodies.
The God of the Bible, can seem so far away and maybe even aloof when we read about his vastness, power and love. Yet in our times of needing a touch or a word we seem, often times, to run into endless silence which leads to frustration, a sense of isolation, even anger.
I, myself, have experienced times when the frustrations of life felt over-whelming and answers to my prayers seemed way over- due. The silence at the end of un-fulfilled dreams can often times cause us to live-out loud our thoughts and feelings. I don’t think being a billionaire exempts one from experiencing the natural yearnings of desiring life’s answers. You see, because no matter how much money you have, God’s not for sale. When you wish and pray for things that money can’t buy, you wait, just like the rest of us, in line for God’s timing.
Now, waiting on God seems to be a universal dilemma. Rich, poor or otherwise, why is it we can’t seem to get God’s attention when we need it? When we can’t seem to move the hand of God, most of us react uniquely in line with who we are. For example, I remember years ago not being happy with God. I had prayed over and over for some need and realizing no apparent answer, after some extremely lengthy period of time, I let him know I didn’t appreciate being ignored. I told God I wanted an answer and that I had waited long enough.
Later that evening, I remember taking my two small dogs outside prior to retiring. I was watching them and just staring at the sky, relaxing my mind when, in my spirit, I heard four words. “I’m not your secretary”. It was gentle, yet firm, but immediately got my attention. Being a Bible teacher and mentor for years as well as a praying Christian, I knew the voice of God, but rarely had heard it in such a profound yet exhilarating manner.
I suppose my next move should have been, “Oh wow, I’m so sorry God, I shouldn’t have gotten so upset with you….” But, instead, I said “Okay.” I’m sure I must have apologized to God somewhere along the line, because I always do, but at that moment, my natural humanness just let it go. You see, He made his point, simply, plainly, effortlessly. He was God, I was not. The fact that God does not immediately run to answer all our desires, wants and wishes lets us be reminded that He, being our Father, must know something we don’t. Delayed prayers have often turned out to ultimately be a blessing, when later I realized that if God had answered any sooner, or even answered according to ‘my plan’, I’d really be in a spot. I don’t always see the beginning from the end, like He does.
Our children have the same inability. Do we always say ‘yes’ to them every time they have a want? We must say no if we can see there is something in the ‘yes’ that would hurt them.
Oprah needed to get ‘her god’ out of the box so she could deal with him. She said “I grew up in the Baptist Church where there were rules, belief systems and doctrines.” Well, let’s see, we can take the rules out of the church, because it’s just too constricting and requires responsibility, then trust goes out next, (not in ourselves, but in God) Then, we surely dump obedience (Oh, I hate that, you mean like when I had to obey my parents?) Biblical truth follows next (you mean I have to follow things I can’t control or completely understand?)
Gee, I think it’s easier to just accept certain principles that leave me free to do whatever I want to do. How about the one that says, ” I can determine my own destiny and live without consideration for God’s expectations.” I believe that’s called Law of Attraction. Where I make my own rules, regulations by just thinking and speaking good thoughts and using my imagination. Then when the results come I can just kick back, smile and say, “Susan, you certainly did a wonderful job.” I could give myself all the credit and not have to think that God had any part of it. After all, I did all the work.
The part I haven’t quite figured out yet is that somehow the universe gets some credit. Now if God made the universe, which I believe he did, then does he just set the universe up to ‘attract’ things to me as I call them in (visualize them) while he’s taking a nap?
If taking God ‘out of the box’ means removing the true and living God from the Bible and even from my faith in him, then whatever ‘god’ I’m replacing him with, becomes my idol. And the only true reason to do this would be to exchange a silent God who didn’t ‘jump’ when I called, for a god who always, instantly is willing to please my flesh in every wish and whim. The only god who would do all that for me would be, myself. The Bible reminds us that humans love their own bodies more than anything else. But it also says, the restrictions are there to protect us from things we don’t understand.
Then if “I am” the true focus of love, power and ‘attracting’ whatever I want in life, I wouldn’t need God. Well then, I need to contemplate this; If I’m suddenly looking in the face of some life-threatening tragedy, calamity, accident or disease for myself or a close loved one, I can just meditate and imagine that things are better. Or I can speak words of positive confession and hope the universe or the source hear me, since it appears that the God of the Bible who’s always been known for miracles (documented) is now pushed out of the loop and I’m slipped in. With this popularized era of belief system, I can just forget about all the times in my years of living that I called on the God of the Bible for my needs and he came through for me, answered prayers, performed miracles, blessed me and my family beyond my expectations. And, by the way, I’m not considered more special than you.
The real truth is, we’re in a day and age where the young people have not been taught about the God of the Bible. I mean, who he is, that he truly cares and how to reach him. They’re just fed, “If it feels good, it must be, so do it.” God has a voice, a message, a personal plan and a future for all humans. But because we’re not taught to discern the true from the false, these things have slowly, systematically been eliminated from our lives, schools, businesses, even many churches. There’s a mixture of truth and lies. People cannot tell the difference. If it looks good and sounds good and everyone’s doing it, it must be good.
Would you like the ability to divide the true from the false, the holy from the profane? You can. Would you like to know more about how to find the ‘real’ God? The one who does have a voice and a way of speaking to you that you can recognize and relate to? The God who truly desires to connect with you in a tangible way? See below for more info on this.
2008 (c) Copyright – Susan David-Life Coach
Want to see more articles or use this one in your e-zine or web site? You can, as long as you include this complete resource with it: Online Christian Life Coach, Susan David, publishes “The Crossroad Coach” bi-monthly newsletter. If you’re ready for truth, tired of hype, believe it’s not a sin to prosper and be happy, get your FR*EE tips at http://www.susandavidlifecoach.com Susan also offers 2 exciting Clubs! A FR*EE teleseminar entitled: “Thousands Have This Priceless Gift But Never Know It! The Ability To Hear From God”. Check it Out!
It seems that Jewish men have a lot of divorce, because what they think is right reason. Since women are not the power in society, which were fully exposed to the whims of the men had. This law will put an end to certain abuses.
Nowhere in the Bible, has God said that divorce is a good thing. On the contrary, he says very clearly in Malachi 2:16, that He hates divorce. The word hate is the worst feeling you can on someone or something, and God used him to express his feelings on this subject. In Mark 10:6-9, Jesus explains in part the rationale for the use of the word when he says that what God has joined together in one, let no man separate. It’s a bit difficult to understand because even after the wedding, we are still two different people, but somehow in a different area, which are really one and that God wants to separate us.
What God does not say, however, is that people who divorce in sin. He said in Mark 10:11-12, the sin that happens when people get married. Thus, there are times when a Christian can be divorced and married again without an adulterer, because God has planned some exceptions couple.
The first is in Matthew 5:32, where Jesus tells us that the act of infidelity allowed divorce and remarriage, without the consequences of sin.
Does that mean you should never try to draw more things, because on all Jacques 4:17 clearly says that we do well, as we know, but if we are free?
The second passage is in 1 Found Corinthians 7:12-15 where he speaks to the question of a believer is married to a non-believer. The Lord tells us that if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with the believer should not divorce. He said that if the unbelieving spouse wants to go, and do not make the believers stand in relation to marriage. You are free to marry without the consequence of sin in his life.
To conclude we can say clearly that marry two reasons why a Christian and divorce again, without an adulterer, sexual infidelity, and if you live with unbelieving spouses who are not in marriage. It seems that we live in a society that values hold only a little about marriage, something like the day of Moses, divorce for any reason we see fit.
It is possible to offend God as too strict in its interpretation of its requirements. Many devout Jews felt in honor of the Almighty, insisting that Jesus is not a cure for Saturday. This seems logical; after all, there are six other days, where you can heal. However, strict interpretation was wrong and took the wrath of Jesus, because it showed a lack of compassion.
If an overly strict interpretation of the Bible, you will also not affect a woman to leave an abusive husband, God would hold you guilty under pressure harassed or tormented by her husband; or may cause a partner deserted fall into sexual sin, I believe that the person is prohibited remarriage?
How to stop the madness around us, only through the redemptive work of Jesus. Hebrews 7:25 tells us that Jesus lives on our behalf, we ask?
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