Christian Relationship Tips

We all have a gazillion stories that float through out our psyche. We have stories about our childhood. We have stories about relationships. We have stories about lots of different experiences. Then, there are the stories that we carry about friends, coworkers, our ancestry, our community, our culture, and other people’s cultures.

We also have “default” stories … these are the ones that we tend to fall back on when we are sharing about ourselves or when something happens that is upsetting … we just write it into the book which holds all the “stories which prove that life is hard!” or “stories which prove that I am lazy!” If a loved one does something that upsets us, that goes into the book labeled “Proof that my fella is rotten!”

If we are really creative in our story telling we might create varying categories with story titles like: “Ways I fail in life!” “Abundance is for others, not me!” or the best seller “Unlovable Me!” These categories tend to be sort of vague, which allows us to put anything into them depending on our mood!!!

If something lovely happens, we store that information in the book which holds all of the “stories which prove that I am fabulous!” or “stories that prove that I am funny” or whatever. Interesting to note, that for many folks these books have more blank pages, then pages with words on them!

There seems to be a tendency to gather certain stories lines that “prove” what we believe to be true about ourselves, about someone else, about our culture, about another’s culture … proof that we are “right” about our stories.

Now, what I think is interesting about all of this is that our ego wants to be right no matter what! Even if it is a story about how “lazy” we are, or how someone else doesn’t “appreciate” us, or that we are “unlovable!” The ego says, “This is my story and I am sticking to it!”

What’s your point? You might be asking this by now! My point is this: These are just stories. Stories are created by the imagination. Stories are created by our perceived experiences and are passed on down the line, which leaves lots of room for even more distortion.

Ever play that game as a kid? It seems like this was usually around a campfire with marshmallows … where one kid whispers a short story to the kid next to them … that kid shares what she heard to the next kid … on and on until the last kid to hear the story, tells the group the story. The story tended to be hilarious because it was nothing like the original story! This is what can happen in our own stories. It starts with a experience … we have a reaction … positive or negative. We replay what happened in our mind. We tell someone else the story. Time passes. The story changes with time and mood.

If you are prone to embellishing things, you can bet that the stories have a flair for the dramatic! In any case, the story becomes distorted in some way: the memory get more intense, less intense, sounds change, colors change, what was said changes, your placement in the story may change. What you tell yourself it means about you may intensify. What you tell yourself it means about the other people in the experience may intensify. All sorts of things happen.

This conversation leads me to ways to shift the story line. How can we release the charge from the stories we tell ourselves? I use lots of tools to do this, my favorite is EFT. What I love about doing EFT with folks (including myself), is that when we clear the negative charge about an event, a new story line emerges. When the person describes the story again, it has a different focus and sometimes even a different outcome. Now that is cool!!!!!

When the disruption is cleared, the person is able to see the story from a different perceptual focus. So, we literally carry our stories, not only in our minds, but in our bodies … in our cells.

We also carry stories from our ancestors the same way … though these stories may not be in the conscious mind; they are in our cellular memories.

Can we change our stories without using tapping or other energy psychology modalities? I am not sure. I can change my own stories as long as there is not an emotional charge behind the story. If there is a charge, I need to move the charge out of my body before the story can change … meaning: Once the charge has been released I believe the new story.

What do you think about this whole topic? How do your stories about yourself and others affect your daily life? What are some of your “default” stories?

Lynne has spent years gathering tools to assist others to tap into their inner wisdom. Her work is about ways to accept, love, and honor Self, and to take the great leap of faith into being authentically you! Learn more at her website and her blog

Article Source: ArticleSpan

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Stories of Our Life

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Have you ever seen a secretary who seems to excel at virtually everything she does? She performs multiple tasks with ease and somehow gets everything done. How does she do it? Study her long enough and you’ll find that she has one major habit.

Sure there are several things she does consistently that helps her get it all done…self-discipline, organization, quality decision making, are all important. There is, however, one thing that guarantees her success.

It’s called FOCUSED INTENSITY!

With all of the new responsibilities today’s church secretary has to take on, many constantly feel pulled in several different directions. Work, family, school, all are stressful alone…you can imagine the pressure with several of them combined. So how do we pull it all together?

There are several key elements of FOCUSED INTENSITY:

CLEARLY DEFINE THE GOAL: half-hearted resolutions and promises usually don’t last. Be clear on what you want to accomplish daily, weekly, even in your career as a whole. Be detailed and BE REALISTIC.

DECIDE TO WIN AT ALL COSTS: the best athletes are the best because they simply refuse to give up. When they step onto the court, field, or whatever, they always do it with the intention of winning. Quitting is never an option.

WRITE THE ROADMAP TO YOUR GOAL: failing to plan is like planning to fail. Goals and plans go hand in hand. In order to achieve any goal, you have to know how you’re going to do it. Make a habit of writing your thoughts, dreams, and strategies for accomplishment often. When you write out the vision that you have for your life it makes you accountable and it keeps you focused on the business at hand.

CREATE A CONSTANT FLOW OF INFORMATION: you must feed yourself information on a continuous basis. It’s how you will stay motivated. Continual education is a must if you want to continue to grow and excel. MagazineCity.com is a great place to get discounted magazine subscriptions and at Audible.com you can download audiobooks and listen to them on your computer, mp3 player, or burn to CDs and listen in your car. Motivation is critical to success and the only way you’ll stay motivated is with a constant flow of information.

FIND A MENTOR: one of the best ways to learn is by example. Find someone who has successfully done what you desire to accomplish and study what makes them successful at it. The mentor relationship doesn’t have to be a personal one. Reading a successful person’s book and following their advice from the book makes them a mentor for you.

There you have it…it’s just that simple. FOCUSED INTENSITY is not hard. Kids do it all the time. You’ve seen them trying to figure out a puzzle…all of their attention is on the task at hand. So it is with you.

Decide what you want and then go for it with everything you’ve got. A little focus goes a long way!

Tamala M. Huntley is author of the revolutionary manual, “Basic Training 101: A Super Easy Guide to Getting More Done, Reducing Office Clutter and Producing More With Less Stress.” To learn more about her book and sign up for more FREE tips like these, visit http://www.churchsecretaryessentials.com NOTE: You’re welcome to “reprint” this article online as as it remains complete and unaltered with the “about the author info” at the end.

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One Habit Every Successful Church Secretary Must Have

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Each day you go to work and see the same people. Depending on your job, and the geographic location of your family, these could be the only people you see regularly, but it doesn’t mean that you get on with them all. Office politics and gossip around the water cooler are often not a good foundation for lasting friendships but it’s not unheard of.

The question about whether or not to date a co-worker however is one of those that people often have a strong opinion about. There are some workplaces which have rules prohibiting this kind of relationship because of how it affects the work performance of both the couple and the others who work with them. For this reason, it’s not surprising that many workplace relationships are frequently kept secret to anyone except those who need to know!

Employers are usually against workplace dating because if the relationship between two co-workers moves to a personal level, they may be quite happy in their work, but the other workers around them may feel that they are excluded or feel awkward when they are around the couple. This may be a perceived idea rather than the reality, but it still adversely affects the performance of the co-worker who won’t be working at full capacity if they feel they are being left out.

If the workplace relationship ends on a bad note, then at least one of the couple will be working sub-standard as they come to terms with the feeling of being dumped. There will be a tainted atmosphere as those who know the situation — as well as those who don’t — subconsciously take sides and until things settle, it won’t be a pleasant environment to work in.
There are some people who are serial work daters.

These people have a reputation for trying to date any member of staff who takes their eye, and are usually the subject of much gossip around the workplace. They aren’t looking for a serious relationship but are just interested in having a good time from a steady supply of fresh faces!

If you are considering dating someone at work, first of all consider your employer’s policy — if there is one. Then think about what will happen if you and the person you’re dating subsequently split up — is it possible that you could find yourself in a position where you will be passed over for promotion because the person you’re dating is in a position to decide on this?

If things work out, will you both be allowed to remain at the same workplace — your employer may also have a policy on this. Deciding to date someone is supposed to be something you do without much more thought than is this person someone I think will be good for me, but unfortunately when it comes to workplace romance, you need to think a little more about the implications both legal (as in your contractual agreement with your employer), and social (with other co-workers). That doesn’t mean however that you shouldn’t do it — just that you need to think carefully about it first!

Jane Saeman runs a membership site which provides thirty articles each month in the ever growing and profitable niche of Dating and Relationships. Find out how you can profit from this huge industry at my website which is at http://www.DatingNicheArticles.com

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Dating at Work — an Ideal Match?

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Whether your marriage is on its first year, or is entering into the so-called seven year itch, exerting the effort to make it work is a continuous process. And it’s not a one-way road either – far from it.

The effort should be mutual, so that you share in the benefits together, and if worse comes to worst, you can pick up the pieces and rebuild the relationship back to the way it used to be.

Great couples are great friends, as many happy marriages can attest to. You see fulfilled couples laughing with each other, and cracking jokes with carefree abandon, knowing full well that the other is more than willing to take it, much like friends do.

If your marriage started out as a solid friendship, then you have your work accomplished for you – you just have to maintain the spark. If the relationship is too tight on intimacy without having the laid back mood of friendship, try to relax. Remember, you’re in this together; humor can ease a lot of the anxieties and mishaps which your relationship encounters along the way.

Determine each other’s needs and fulfill them as best as you can. Marriage is a two-way street: you have to be able to give and take with love. Be sensitive to your partner’s needs, especially the immediate ones.

If she’s having a bad day and showing it, give her a reassuring shoulder and offer to take on some of the chores for her so she could relax. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, give her just that.

Avoid trying to solve her problems by coming up with quick fix solutions. She just needs someone to vent out her frustrations to so she could pick herself up on her feet. As soon as she’s okay, treat her out to dinner or give her a massage; she’ll surely appreciate the effort you spent in going out of your way just to please her.

Spice things up. Even though your marriage has evolved into something of a deeper nature, don’t pass up the opportunity to try something new in your relationship. If you’ve tried out all avenues of intimacy which are within the limits of convention, try something out of the box.

For example, before getting intimate with your partner, suggest a different warm up of sorts, like watching an adult movie together. If your significant other is a bit hesitant about the idea, show her how adult movies can spice up your intimate moments by hinting on new ways of exploring your sensual side.

While watching adult movies together before getting intimate may be a quirky experience for some couples, for most, it’s a great way to spice up a relationship, by making intimate moments more adventurous.

Finally, responsibility is a must-have in all healthy relationships. Although you are united as a single entity, you still have goals which are mutual and individual, and you have to nurture them both.

Try to accomplish your personal and mutual goals one step at a time, celebrating every success with each other. Marriage is a personal investment; if you give your all into making it work, you’ll both reap the benefits of a fulfilled and lasting relationship.

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A Fulfilled Marriage Is Worth the Effort

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Sometimes, your fears may overwhelm you to the point that you feel like giving up. When this happens, the next step is to put your faith in God. Using the help of God can make a big difference in overcoming your fears, anxieties, and depression.

The one source that a person should use as a basis in managing their fears and anxieties is using God as a basis in dealing with their fears. The power of God is the one power that is stronger than your fears and anxieties. Also, God loves each one of us and he is the one person who has the power to solve all of our problems. He will help you if you ask him to.

Start talking and praying to God. A person can go to church or to a quiet place during the day to tell God that they are having a problem. They should tell God how they feel and ask God for some of his help. A person could also review the Bible and read some articles on trusting in God and then apply these concepts in their life. Each and every day, a person should make it up a habit to talk to God and ask for his help.

In addition, learn as much as you can in managing anxiety and depression. There are many books and information that will educate you on how to deal with fear and anxiety. Share this information with others who may be able to help you. Education is the key in finding the answers your looking for in managing your fears.

Think positive. A good way to manage your fear is to challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make you feel fearful or anxious, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense.

In every anxiety-related situation you experience, begin to learn what works, what does not work, and what you need to improve on in managing your fears and anxieties. For instance, you have a lot of anxiety and you decide to take a walk to help you feel better. The next time you feel anxious you can remind yourself that you got through it the last time by taking a walk. This will give you the confidence to manage your anxiety the next time around.

Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about our stressful situations. Talking to a trusted friend, counselor, or clergyman can not only make us feel better, but they might be able to give you additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. Getting help from a professional will make this entire process easier and will increase your chances of success.

Remember that God is stronger than your fears and anxieties. Be persistent and be open in the avenues that God may provide to you in solving your problem. It is not always easy, however God is in control and he will help you if you ask him.

Stan Popovich is the author of, A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear, an easy to read book that presents a overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com

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Use The Help Of God To Deal With Your Anxieties

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